"Sorry, I can’t hangout.
My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died.
It was tragic."
"Do all moms assume that if you have a friend of the opposite gender then you’re romantically interested in them?"
"If you’re gonna be a smart-ass, first you gotta be smart, otherwise you’re just an ass."
"I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me."
"I’ve been using Google for over 10 years, I still have NO IDEA what The “I’m Feeling Lucky” button does."
everyone needs a transparent middle finger emoji on their blog.